press play above to listen to a voiceover of this edition of Sunday Musings :)
Welcome to Sunday musings #3! I’m posting quotes that moved me on Threads (the entire collection can be found on Tiktok). Every Sunday, I’ll turn it into a poetry slideshow, read the quotes out to you and then show you which already published essays and writings of mine touch upon the same thoughts and feelings.
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quote of the day:
“how life feels knowing i can’t make the wrong decision because every decision i make leads me somewhere i’m supposed to go” - laurendejey
source: https://vm.tiktok.com/ZGeP4vBnY/
“i usually don’t write on here, whenever i have the feeling of losing my sense of self. when i wanna pack up everything or nothing at all and run away with the love of my dreams. when i wanna quit everything and dye my hair and change my name, once again. (…) i change a lot recently. and i will change day to day, dream to dream, more and more. from a caterpillar to a butterfly. from a duck to a swan. from pigeon to a dove. from a piece of plastic to a cd. from a piece of paper to a finished novel. (…) these are the moments i feel the most myself and also the most like i’m a fragile vase breaking into thousand of pieces and no one will pick them up, eventually just brushing them together and throwing them away. figuratively speaking, the throwing away part is the sequence of the season finale where i wanna dye & cut my hair and run away with a stranger to a foreign, complete unknown continent of this planet.”
here are selected pieces that reminded me of this quote, all with a recurring metaphor i simply still use to describe the feeling of confusion:
“I just deeply hate where I am right now, in the unknown, in between things, I’m sick of sleeping in one place, my heart’s filled with hope that I might return one day. I can’t control certain things I wish I could. I have such a deep respect for other people’s decisions and feelings but I am a broken vase laying awake in the deepest of night and wish that at least one person would return this deep respect and admiration for my own feelings and decisions. I am good enough myself I know, but what would I give to have a Bonnie be like “I respect your decision and I see your feelings. Thanks for telling me” Where is she? Why can’t I stop being so understandable? Why am I so kind to a world that breaks and tears me up?”
“I was sad, I didn’t want to be there. There was beauty all around me and I didn’t want to exist. Didn’t want to be whoever I am in this world. (..) A discomfort in a world that was built for me. I don’t wanna exist in this pre-existence anymore. I wanna run away with a hand that reaches out to me. I wanna throw all my papers out the window. I wish my hair would be longer already. I wish my parents would’ve loved each other more gentle. (…) I guess there’s a huge attachment issue happening right now to my body being in physical places. (…) I wanna be everywhere and nowhere at all.”
“My emotions are bubbling, begging to come out of my body’s pores, cleansing themselves from my soul. Etching my skin, clenching my wrists and holding on my rips. I’ve started to close the door to my other room at nights. It’s more peaceful this way. A disorientation stagnant in my body, not needing more distortion from a perfectly fine room. I look around all the books I have hanging on my wall, ensembled on shelves and most of them are unread anyway. The urge to not take anything with me and leave it all behind.”
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