hey, i just wanna love (at the next thunderstorm?)
don’t want this to stay in this little poem - a poem from Summer 2022
The person I wrote this about is still subscribed to my Substack; maybe you are still reading my letters and maybe not. This one is for you. You know how I felt back then. Even though you never really confessed your love romantically to me, I loved you anyways. This poem is the evidence. I hope you’re good.
Howdy!
I’m shining the light onto this poem I wrote the Summer I turned 18, became an official adult, Summer of 2022. With my aspiration to move to Paris this year, it’s interesting how much this city was present in my writing back then. I completely had no idea that the desire to move there has been this deep-rooted. That Summer, I graduated high school, just recovered from a serious nerve inflammation and weirdly found the voice of my writing right then. It was the year of “Pretty Tennessee” - poetry was more present and more therapeutic for me than ever before. But this poem I’m about to share with you wasn’t actually about The Cowboy, it’s about someone else.
Upon finding a draft called “the b-side of my life”, I stumbled upon it and wondered where the full original poem was, the one I decided to keep locked as a whole and only share those few lines. I found it, not the one I thought at first, and it was so right there. I knew where I wrote it, over the time span of a few days (which is a rare occasion for me). I knew what details I meant, I felt those feelings just as it was yesterday. This poem is very Summer-esque with all the travel spirit one keeps active, the good rain after a very hot week and a desire / hunger for love with someone that you know might not be ready to love you back.
hey, i just wanna love (at the next thunderstorm?)
my parents fight
cause one is jealous of the other’s past love
and i ask myself if that’s the reason
why it takes me so long to find someone
i can imagine riding on the coast
& snuggling in light blankets in a rented car
cause i can imagine it! i do
it’s just that i don’t want to get disappointed once again
i have hopes in you becoming my first boyfriend
but i don’t want to ruin it, i don’t want to cry again